At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You pole danced in your parka.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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