I think I just saw someone hide a body.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
