Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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