I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
