I feel like abortions should bother me more
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
