I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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