I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
