they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
