I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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