quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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