What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
