I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
