Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Randomize
