his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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