I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize