love makes seman taste better
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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