I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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