I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
