Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
