Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
