I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
