how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
