Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Randomize
