I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
