He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
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