the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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