I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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