i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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