they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
