Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
