so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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