I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
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