Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
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