I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
