yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
