Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Randomize
