my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
