My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
did you just send me my own nude
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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