Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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