Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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