and i looked up. we had an audience...
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
