I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
either way he was missing a nipple.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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