youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
