if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
