after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
We left the knife in your bed.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
