I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
