we're blogging at a bar
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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