Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
