3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
