yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Randomize
