Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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