I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
