happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
