Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
