I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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