Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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