Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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